based on a true* story
Tonight I took a moment to admire
the skill by which my local grocer
had applied plastic wrap to my asparagus.
I could never star in one of those commercials
where they wrap something up,
usually liquid, and then turn it upside down
to demonstrate the strength of the seal.
The stuff would stream down my pants and then
I'd get fired
and the executive producer
would call me to his couch to have me sit next to him
and I'd hear his breath and smell it it's damp and he'd ask
how on earth someone like me can be so retarded
as to not know
how to use fucking saran wrap
it's not rocket science you know
get out of my office
and then I would go home and eat a tub of ice cream and get real fat like
because I wouldn't because if I got fat what would I do
I'd, well, I'd be forced
to kill myself.
I still haven't mastered Cling Wrap.
*-blog in gthe blogosphere